you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
