dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
