I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
