we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm passing your future prison.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
