Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You've changed since you got that strap on
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
