also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
