I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How does one acquire holy water?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
