I faked an abortion last night.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
