two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
