That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Your dad touched me again.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
