Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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