woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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