why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
