I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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