I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
