He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize