Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
