I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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