Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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