I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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