i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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