How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
