Moan for me like Helen Keller
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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