the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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