My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm gonna fight the coyote
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
