I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
