After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
