youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
