You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I supernannyed him into submission
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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