The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
