My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
