a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
