just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
