he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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