Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
