Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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