all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
