K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
