Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You've changed since you got that strap on
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
