my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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