I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
