I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
