My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
All the doctor said was why
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
