Your dad touched me again.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I need a beard to bite.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
