I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
