Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
