THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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