i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
