I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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