people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
