since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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