I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
