How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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