FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
