I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
