Well apparently he's into motor boating.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
