Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
