So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
