You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
