I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
