Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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