she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
