Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
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