Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
