I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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