Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
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