i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
