I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
