He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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