you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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