Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
