were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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