Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm like, not good at living.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
