I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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