Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
