So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
do nipples grow back?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
