We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize