Plan B is the new Plan A
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
