Screwed.edu
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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