Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
