Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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