my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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