I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
