my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
