Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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