Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize