that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
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