you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
