he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
