some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You made out with two different species that night
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
