erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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