she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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