a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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