It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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