It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
