wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize