ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am midnight drunk by noon
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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