I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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