Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
