i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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