I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
