There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
