Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
