Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
