I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
