In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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