I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
