Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
