We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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