i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
