Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
