Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
