Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
