The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
