this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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