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just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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