Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
