Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize