Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
