So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
