I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
