I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
