She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
im holly from the hills drunk
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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