He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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