he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
