please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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