when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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