Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
